OUT OF THIS WORLD

Today I am moving again. Total moves in 2005 = 6. Seven homes in one year = a little over 52 days in each place. Each move = about 1 week cleaning the place up and arranging my things. Approximate time spent away from home and travelling in 2005 = 9 weeks. Therefore, actual amount of average time spent in one place = about 36 days

When I met HH Sridhara Swami a couple of years ago at Bhaktivedanta Manor, he asked me about my situation and after I explained it he said “You move around more than me!” That was at a time when I really had no fixed abode and I was wandering from one place to the next more frequently than I am now. The thing is, I actually want to stay in one place, but I can’t seem to manage it. Like now, I could just stay at my father’s house but I have already lost weight since I arrived here due to the fact that I can’t cook in the kitchen without having to go through a whole ordeal. I had to leave the last place because there was no longer any space for me there and I had to leave the place before that because I was thrown out and I had to move out from the place before that because someone else bought the place from the owner.

If I had the money I would just stay in one place, so the solution seems to lie in getting a job. There are postdoctoral positions currently available in the UK, Germany, France and the USA. Only Krishna knows where and when I will move next, or at least I hope He knows.

I am hiding out in my room. The last time I stepped outside my room I detected a strong odour of a fish being cooked and the distinct sound of Rugby match commentary coming from downstairs. This room is not exactly a comfort zone either as it is screaming out for decoration and none of the furniture matches and there is not enough space. If only I was truly transcendental I could easily tolerate al these things. Oh well.

I will be moving out next weekend. My brother’s girlfriend has just moved in with him, so I will rent her house. I can’t really afford it but I am desperate for a kitchen that doesn’t have the grease of cooked dead animals and hair of a cat called Jasper all over it (as is my current situation). I don’t know how long I will stay at the next place. It should be for at least one month. If I get any of the jobs I have applied for I will try to get a mortgage and buy a place.

Life is not easy. It used to be that a woman would grow up in her parents house, then get married and live with her husband, and then she would stay at home to keep the place nice and have children and look after them. That’s pretty rare these days. Now that we are ‘liberated’ we have to struggle to earn money, just like the men. Even when the husband is around, one income is often not enough for comfortable living. Even when there are children, the mother feels the need to go to work because she can earn more than the cost of child-care. Then there are the single mothers. Add to that the intense social and psychological pressure to look like a supermodel. What a struggle for existence. Is it really worth it?

Whatever position we have in this world: man, woman, rich, poor, black, white, fat, thin - there is bound to be material suffering. That is the nature of the world. Just try to make the best use of a bad bargain, as my old friend Tribhuvannatha Prabhu used to say. Whatever you have, try to use that for Krishna’s service, remember Krishna, and go back to Godhead where you belong.

I am back to blogging after more than two months off. A few days after my last blog entry I finally got fed up with being homeless. Having no apparent prospects for finding a place to live in Slovenia, I decided to move back to my father’s house in Wales. That’s where I have been ever since.

When I arrived here I discovered that (weirdly) the ISP that my father was using could not locate the server that hosts my blog, so I would have to pay for another connection to write an entry. Besides that, it was quite inconvenient to go online due to the way things are set up here, and the connection was extra slow. A couple of weeks ago we signed up with a different ISP, got broadband and a wireless router, and now I have easier access to the internet. I don’t know how long this good connectivity is going to last as there is a good chance that I will be moving again very soon. Such is my life.

I haven’t seen my husband since September. He was supposed to come over to Wales shortly after me but there is no sign of him yet. So it’s been me and my dad, like old times. And the cat and the dog of course. The dog has cancer and is on his last legs so I am chanting to him and feeding him prasada. I hope he can get the association of Vaisnavas in the next life. I have been without Vaisnava association for a while now. It is not very nice but I am surviving (barely).

My time away from Slovenia turned out to be longer than I expected. After the camp in Serbia we decided to go back to Hungary for Radhastami as my spiritual master was there again. The whole two and a half weeks was a great adventure but pretty exhausting.

The festivals at the Hungarian farm were blissful as ever. On festival days the kirtans usually last for at least four hours in the morning and at least four hours in the evening. The temple room is beautifully decorated and the super-attractive deities, Radhe Syam, are offered the most opulent yet intimate worship. This is perhaps the closest I have come to experiencing the atmosphere of Vrindavan.

The Serbian festival was a great success with over 200 devotees in attendance. While travelling to different countries it is interesting to see how the culture of Krishna consciousness mixes with the local culture and temperament of the people. From my observations it appears that Serbians are people of the heart and they are not at all afraid to express their emotions in a most enthusiastic, animated and open way. They are very warm and friendly and this created a close family atmosphere throughout the whole camp.

It took a little adjustment for me to go from the neat, synchronized, and disciplined devotion of the Hungarian yatra to the flowing, expressive, and individual devotion of the Serbian yatra, and back again. But in all places it was clear that everyone’s heart can become fully satisfied by chanting, dancing, and feasting in the association of devotees. Thanks to the Krishna consciousness movement, even a Welsh woman like myself to can feel quite at home in Hungary, Serbia, Slovenia, and all other places where Krishna is being glorified.

I didn’t get a chance to update my blog while away. Now that I am back, I have a lot of work to do but I plan to write something every few days.

I am still homeless. For the past few weeks I have been living in my mother-in-law’s apartment, before she moves in. As yet, there is no kitchen, no furniture (except one small cupboard which I use as an altar for my Gaura Nitai deities) and no washing machine. I can still manage to cook with a small electric stove on the floor. I keep everything I own in boxes and bags, which makes it a bit difficult to find things when I need them. Having no washing machine is the worst – washing by hand is quite time-consuming and my hands are getting sore. My husband sometimes stays here and sometimes with his mother. I have no idea where or when I will move next. There is a basement room here which could be converted into living space. My mother–in-law will have to move in soon and I might have to go to the basement. Somehow I am still managing to continue my research work. I am learning some tolerance.

Today my husband and I go back on the road, first to Hungary and then to Serbia. Tomorrow is Janmastami (Krishna’s birthday) and we will be at the farm in Hungary where they have a beautiful Radha-Krishna temple. My spiritual master will be there too. Next week we will be in Serbia at the Fruska Gora National Park for the Vaisnava Camp with Sacinandana Swami. I won’t have much internet access for the next week or two so I might not be able to update my blog until I get back to Slovenia.

Yesterday, just before moving again, Kristina and I entered the old place and one of the owners immediately came to check the electricity meter. We were still standing in the doorway when he came, so he pushed us out of the way with his arms. He checked the meter and left. His family had already threatened us with violence so we called the police. The police came about 30 minutes later and took our statements. We also told them again about how the owners had accepted us on a one-year contract but then thrown us out after one week. Then they went upstairs to talk to the man who pushed us.

Kristina happened to go outside to the hallway and overheard part of the conversation between the police and the owner. The police asked why the owners were throwing us out. The man explained, “This is a Christian house.” The police didn’t get what he was saying, so the owner explained “They are…Hare Krishnas.”

So now we know the real reason why they threw us out. This is the first time I have experienced such religious intolerance. It is not very nice. We will just continue trying to follow in the footprints of Jesus Christ.

“Lord Jesus preached the message of God and I have taken up the same mission, and it would be a good luck for me if I can follow the foot prints of Lord Jesus who preached the message of God in spite of all persecution. Lord Jesus is a living example how one has to suffer in this material world simply for the matter of preaching the message of God.”

-Srila Prabhupada’s letter to Sally — New York, November 19th , 1965

Yesterday we moved again to another apartment. Fortunately, when we were thrown out of the last place we were in the process of buying an apartment for my mother-in-law. We got the keys yesterday and we will stay there until we find something else.

Some of my friends suggested that I might as well take sannyasa. Gaudiya Vaisnava women don’t take sannyasa, and anyway, I happen to like my husband.

Life can be pretty strange sometimes. I have moved home five or six times in the past year. It is not that I want to move so often. It is actually very inconvenient. But somehow my life just seems to work out that way.

My latest move was last week and I was hoping that I had finally found a less temporary abode. I moved with my husband and two friends to an apartment very close to the temple. Being near the temple is great because it is much easier to go to mangala arati. I was hoping that I could stay in this place for at least one year, and we signed a one-year contract with the owner.

Last night the owners came into the apartment and told us we have to get out by the end of the week or they will send some big men from Montenegro to take us out by force. They also wanted to fight my husband. So it looks like we’ll be moving again.

I usually manage to stay in one place for about two months. This time it is less than two weeks.

Dear Lord Krishna, are you trying to tell me something?

Welcome to my new blog. Here I will write about various topics like Astrophysics, Krishna consciousness, Vedic Cosmology, my life…

I am still not 100% convinced about the benefits of blogging but I will try it.